How I Got Through It ~ By Amirra (page 181)
I spent years wondering, "What was he thinking?" and "How could he do that?" - both when we were together and broken up. It was like an ongoing game of chess that only I was playing. I was sure I could get him back in the game once I figured out what was motivating him and made him realize what he would be losing. I was constantly trying to find the reset button on our relationship to get us back to the place where things were great. Now, I fancy myself a bit of a smarty pants, but even though I knew logically that you can't coerce someone into feeling what you want them to feel, I wasn't above testing that rule. There's nothing I wanted more than for him to have the same fire burning inside and the desire and will to salvage our marriage. But all my attempts at the mighty wake up call were glaringly unsuccessful, and he never did spring into action and become the guy that I wanted him to be. Sadly, there was nothing stronger than his ambivalence about our future together. As far as he was concerned, we could stay together or break up. Whatever. It's cool. Is it? As if the choices were even remotely equal. In my version of what my life was supposed to be like, I'd always imagined that my marriage would be something that both parties would feel invested in. Finally, it dawned on me. All of the "what is he thinking's?" and "How could he do that?" were my own trip - not his. What became crystal clear was the he was not thinking about it at all! Only I was! That's why he did the things he did. And he didn't do the things I wanted him to because this didn't even occur to him. Our marriage was that unimportant. It wasn't even on his radar. He was content with the ebb and flow of that which made me miserable. And you know what else I realized? He was not sitting around wondering what I was thinking, feeling, or doing, so why was I wasting my time? Sometimes the cold reality is that guys just aren't thinking about us at all. this relevation made it so much easier for me to finally lay down my king and accept his checkmate that had been on the board for so long. Real love doesn't require strategy - but getting on with your life does. Awesome Thought: The right guy is out there right now, wondering when he's going to meet someone like you.